Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Word Count Wednesdays- Second Attempt

Word Count week 2/1/17-2/8/17:
The "Here's What Happens When I Wake Up At 4am Inspired To Write A Poem: A Poem In Several Parts" post is 1136 words. I also wrote 3 other poems  that are rather long as well and a song too, but they are all handwritten in a notebook  so I'm not going to bother counting the words... At least another 1000 in total. I definitely got well over 2000 words this week. Hope I can keep up this pace.

What am I working on?
Songs, poems, journaling, and dealing with an increasingly complicated love life. The heart does not listen to logic, unfortunately, and I am trying to keep myself sane in this rollercoaster of emotion. Ugh :/

How do I feel about the process?
Writing process: A+
Love life process: C- (Not quite failing, but certainly not top of the class... Only time will tell where this will go I suppose...)

What am I reading now?
Actually I am finding myself rereading old journals and it is quite entertaining. 10/10 would recommend.

Friday, February 3, 2017

Here's What Happens When I Wake Up At 4am Inspired To Write A Poem: A Poem In Several Parts

Started 2/3/17 4:34 am
Finished 2/4/17 12:58 pm

(copied and pasted from Google Docs typed on my phone)

Happy Ending Boy
I swear I try so hard to think about anything else. I try to distract, spend my nights fantasizing about my lips on his, how he would taste, the feel of my fingertips running through his hair... but every time in my mind he turns into you again. The sweetness of your kiss, your hands against my sides, the gentle scratch of your cheek on mine. Oh, if only I'd felt this way about you when I'd kissed you! But it's too late. In the book, she always has to choose, the happy ending boy or the one that makes her heart race. You are so wrong for me, and boy, don't I know it, but everything about you feels so right somehow. How can I want him so badly when when every thought of him turns to one of you? Your danger is enticing, and wrong or not, I want you.

I Can't Sleep At Night And It's All Your Fault
I can't sleep at night and it's all your fault. The feel of your lips lingers on mine weeks after… I never felt like this toward you before but now that I've tasted it, I want more. More and more… And more… You are the choice I know I'll regret, a passion so great I know it has no choice but to explode, a self destructive time bomb ticking with every heartbeat I feel pulsing through me as I lay against your chest. The smell of you intoxicating… Wish I could bottle you up, shoot you into my veins when I am alone. You make me feel dangerous… Sexy… Alive. You make me miserable and desperate but I want you so bad. What curse have you placed me under, what spell, what sorcery is this to make me need something so wrong… But need you like I need air? I need you. I need your lips against mine, softer than I'd ever dreamed, your kiss against my neck, mouth open against my racing pulse. To feel that fire again is all I want. Eyes half shut in blissful desire, you are a magician and I am every bit of your magic. Play me like an instrument, roll your fingertips over my heated skin, chords of low moans meant for only you to hear. Drive me crazy again. Whisper your dirty thoughts into my ear, your breath a tease against my nerves. You are bad. Very bad. But so good, so right, right in the wrongest way. How can you make me want you like this? I am your marionette, you a puppeteer knowing exactly how to pull my strings to make me dance. Kiss me one more time, and I will kiss back with everything I have. You haunt my dreams, you are my dreams, and I can only kiss my pillow wishing for your lips once again.

I finally understand why they say there's a fine line between love and hate. I don't know whether I want to beat the shit out of you or make out with you. You're unbearable and you're driving me fucking crazy. Fuck you. The way you can set me on fire without even touching me… It's really not fair. The fact that you have this control… This invisible rope around me… I wish you would let go, but at the same time I wish you would reel me in closer, ever closer, until I was wrapped once more in your arms. You are a drug. A bad habit. Nicotine in my lungs, forced deeper into my bloodstream with every inhale of you. Fuck! I hate you! I hate that I want you and I hate that I can never have you because we're impossible. You're impossible. But somehow that only makes me want you more.

The Ramblings Of A Foolish Girl
You are poison. A liquid snake swimming in my veins, a venomous adrenaline making my vision blur and my eyes cross. My skin wants to separate from my skeleton, drawn magnetically to your touch. But these are just the ramblings of a foolish girl, the fantasies of a dreamer who wants only to be wanted with the strength and desire of how much she wants you. I will never learn. I will make the same mistakes again and again and again and again and I will keep wanting you until I can no longer breathe. The effect you have on me is too strong. I need to detox from your electricity, remove your lightning from underneath my fingernails and pull it out from between my toes. I need an antidote… Almost as much as I need you.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. That is why I sit so close to you. Not because of the striking green of your eyes, nor because of the way you somehow always know exactly what to say, and certainly not because of the masculine scent of your cologne wafting over to me across the table. No, I need to keep you close because you are a villain, the bane of my existence, you drive me insane with your games and gentle teasing, so very subtle. But you are my Superman, saving me from late-night run-ins with depression and hopelessness, because you seem to sense exactly how to make me feel better. I don't know if I can keep you as a friend without my desire clouding my thoughts, but I will try if it kills me. You are a good friend. A dirty-minded sleepless-fantasy-provoking friend. And, friend, you are a dangerously good kisser. But I must keep us platonic, tectonic plates shifting causing ever-increasing tension… But I will survive, friend. I will survive if it kills me.

Kidding Myself
I awoke this morning to find myself kissing my pillow, waking from a dream about him. You left my thoughts alone for once, let me imagine myself with him without interrupting my daydream with lust-soaked memories of that day. Thank you. Just once, I appreciate being able to want someone else, want him, and not constantly be thinking of your fingers on my skin, your breath on my neck. I can want his lips, his smile, the delicious way I kid myself that he looks at me… not so different from how you looked at me. You were a delicacy… He is almost if not equally tempting. Leave me alone… I pick him. Or so I tell myself… I can kid myself just as well.

Word Count Wednesdays: First attempt

Word Count week 1/25/17-1/31/17:
242 (need to count journal)

What am I working on?
Songs, poems, journaling, and trying to find meaning in life (wow that sounded really emo).

How do I feel about the process?
So far so good..... I hope

What am I reading now?
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child WHICH I FINALLY BORROWED FROM SOMEONE SO I CAN READ IT OMG SO EXCITED *explodes in puff of sheer joy*

uh ok so i stopped counting mid-week then totally forgot i saved this post as a draft so i'm posting it now... oops... i definitely hit 1000 because i was journaling constantly but i'm not going to go back and count so i'm posting this as is. better luck this week...? :/